DO NOT LOOK UP MOVIES ON THE INTERNET IF YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT SPOILERS. GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD!
Do you like the Friday The 13th movies? Think about that for a moment…..I’ll wait…Okay, I’m glad you thought about it. Now that the dumb introductory question’s out of the way, let’s get to the zaniness and carnage! As you may have guessed, I offer a list of my favorite moments from the Friday the 13th movie series. Now, these are my favorite moments, meaning you might have different ones. Hell, you may not even like what I’ll say, but it’s supposed to be a free country, so I’ll say it anyway. Here it goes:
#5. Freddy Vs. Jason
It didn’t win an Oscar, but you know what? The writers did about as good a job with it as anyone could reasonably expect. I also respect how, despite how insistent Friday fans are of Jason’s superiority against any prospective horror opponent, this movie reminded us that Freddy is also formidable. In the end, both characters take a substantial beating. Did Freddy win? Did Jason win? If you care very much about that question, you lose. Honestly, I think this movie could have brought about world peace if only ISIS and the United States government could watch it and see how their flailing quests for global supremacy are no less farcical.
#4. Crispin Glover Dances His Ass Off (Friday The 13th Part 4)
This has got to be one of the best dance scenes of all time, rivaled by only a few other such moments (such as Ed Harris’s disco dance scene in “Creepshow”). While I don’t want to talk movie scenes up too much, this is an occasion where I doubt many would disagree, and I feel safe building it up to towering heights. His manic energy is sort of an essential counterpoint to Jason Voorhees’ generally lumbering mania (though Jason does move a little faster in these earlier movies). There is a definite life, vitality, and randomness in Crispin Glover’s moves. It truly helps make this movie into something special. Seriously, for those who doubt such a movie could have any value, please at least check out this dance scene and tell me this movie is all bad. And yes, this is a serious challenge I present, and I expect you to solemnly attempt what I am asking of you. Do it!
#3. Jason’s Sack
Before he donned his trademark hockey mask, Jason Voorhees had this look. In some waysm it may be scarier, but I do wonder how it worked out for him. Perhaps he blamed it for his losing to Ginny from the 2nd Friday, and decided it’s simply better to try out something new. Still, this was a very stylish look that really should have caught on as a general fashion trend (and ladies, I’m including you here, too). He may be a brutal killing machine and otherwise exotic in his lifestyle choices, but no jury in the world would convict him for lacking fashion sense.
#2. She Was Totally Axing For It (Friday The 13th Part 7)
Melissa was not that great a person. Maybe being lame doesn’t merit an ax in the head, but practicality everyone has moments where they’d like to give someone an ax to the head, and this is one of those times where we can live out that fantasy safely and cathartically in our own living room. But yeah, there she goes, axed and then flung away like a proverbial rag doll. And here’s another thing: It was cool to see Jason fight someone with Carrie-like powers. I mean, why not? It’s one step away from going to Manhattan, or Hell, or outer space (seriously, haven’t the Muppets done most of those things, too? I know The Leprechaun has, too).
#1. “Kill Her, Mommy!”
It wouldn’t feel right to discuss this franchise without going to its roots. Before Jason became a maniac (or a maniac with super strength, or a maniac zombie with super strength, or a maniac cyborg zombie with super strength), he was just a disfigured boy who drowned in Camp Crystal Lake while some camp counselors were getting it on (or something to that effect). His mother, Pamela Voorhees, didn’t take too kindly to that, so she went on a killing spree and rather skillfully eliminated almost every single counselor who was trying to re-open the camp. However, Ms. Voorhees gets killed (as virtually everyone knows). How and why did Jason come back to avenge her death? No one really knows for sure. Some theorize that he was actually alive the whole time and never actually drowned. Some say Jason had drowned but, for whatever reason, wasn’t fully zombified in part 2 Others theorize that the screenwriters were on crack. In any case, they were onto something, because the sequels made mucho big buckos.
There you have it.